Rollies Baseball Follies

Quien es mas macho?

Carlos Zambrano o el machino di gatorado?

If there’s one thing ol’ Yellowstone understands it’s women…..and the one thing the ladies love above all else is machismo.

After speaking to more than a few ladies in Cubs nation (and a few more in the pockets of Venezuela that get satellite television), I have found that the senoritas have a new sex symbol

..and his name is Carlos “El Toro” Zambrano

Few things can wreak of machismo more than a sweaty bullfighter dressed like a gay waiter swinging a red blanky in the presence of charging oxen
but El Toro’s recent actions on the baseball diamond have dwarfed the machismo quo associated with even the most feral of bullfighters.

Indeed, Carlos is the new King.

I haven’t seen this many women come down with the caliente vapors since Clay Aiken sang “Build Me Up Buttercup” on American Idol a few years back. (I guess the ladies nowadays just love those switch-hitters).

As a man, I have to tip my cowboy hat to Carlos …..and as a husband, I now have to hide the ESPN clips of his power-dance lest my wife see it and decide to leave me to join the throngs of Zambranonites who worship at his cleats.

Now, of course, let’s keep this real. Zambrano only did what any brave bullfighter would do in the face of disagreeing with an official who had a better vantage point of a situation.

He blew his stack before mockingly throwing out the umpire from the game with his own heave-ho and then cherried the cake by launching the game ball into left field.

But kudos to Carlos because he went one further. He took his multi-million dollar arm and fired his glove at high velocity into the dugout.

Did anyone get a radar gun on that throw? It was impressive.

I haven’t seen that much leather fired since Suzi Quatro got pink slipped off of Happy Days.

Too soon?

But the Big Z wasn’t through. The BEST ones never are.

Zamm-Bamm grabbed a bat and began whacking away at the Gatorade dispenser.

You have to hand it to Gatorade. it’s refreshing, a little salty and makes for a perfect scapegoat whenever you need to punch something for no apparent reason. I guess you could say it’s this generation’s version of an Irish wife.

 But a funny thing happened on the way to Carlos’  6 game suspension.

The Gatorade dispenser did not break.

Indeed, the brave receptacle held its ground.

In fact, after Zambrano flowed into the clubhouse like so much lava,

his tranquil Cub teammates could be seen drinking fruity refreshment from its spigots.

This all serves to answer the question..

Quien es mas macho…Carlos Zambrano o el machino di Gatorado?

The answer my friends is………..el  machino di gatorado.

Maybe I’ll let my wife see those ESPN clips after all.

Tags: Yelowstone Gatorade Zambrano machismo

This entry was posted on Friday, May 29th, 2009 at 6:31 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.